NO, Not in Labor yet...

As much as I had hoped I would be well on my way to delivering this beautiful child, we have not had any major tell-tale symptoms that would prompt me to call my mother and say "it is time."

Really, I feel unsettled and kind of sad. Last night I took a nice warm bath and communed with my daughter. I talked with her and felt the gentle sway of the water around me, quietly wondering what she was feeling. I gently told her that I can't wait to meet her, and that we are very thankful for her. I was wishing her health and vibrancy- and also trying to find out WHEN she is going to show up...

I think my "unsettled" feeling comes from a type of not-knowing. Realistically, she will probably show up around the beginning of May- The 2nd being most probable with the current set of plans. However, I REALLY don't want to have to be induced medically. I don't want to be hooked up to an IV and force my body into contractions. I have been talking with my body and preparing it as much as I can- but I have no idea what I am getting into. None what-so-ever. That's kind of scary.

At home I am doing some of the old wive's tales (spicy food, rest, warm baths) and doing wee bits of acupressure- but nothing that I feel would throw me into labor without my body being ready. At least this way I feel like I am "doing" something, but hopefully not hurting her or me.
I am still "on the fence" about labor and delivery. I am Scared. Up until this point, I have not been afraid of the pain or afraid of how long it will take. I have tried to stay positive and not expect too much of myself. Now, fear has started to take root- I keep reminding myself that I am strong, I come from a long line of strong women. I will have the love of my life with me, supporting me throughout- He has a lot of strength I can use... But I still am afraid. Afraid of something happening to my baby, afraid the pain will be too much, afraid that I won't be able to do it...

Damon assures me that we can do this. I know we can. I know I can. I am trying to allow myself to feel these fears, process them, and get them the hell out of the way so I can birth this baby. I can't let my fears control me here. The body produces nasty hormones when you are scared. They are ANTI-Birth. They trigger the "flight" mechanism. So, I gotta get through this rough patch. Somehow, writing about it helps.

Now my hope (though perhaps it is vain) is that we will go into the hospital sometime late on the 30th of April and that she will show up May 1st. I love the month of May, and May Day is a gorgeous day. I think I said at my baby shower that I was hoping for May 1st... I can still hope for that.

The reason I hope to go in on April 30th has to do with insurance... I will still be covered under BCBS. But if you have read prior blogs, you probably know that.

Here is my plan for the day- Relax, re-energize, and get some little things done around the house. I kind of think that the bebe is waiting for me to get my "shit" taken care of. That stupid, weird shit that you put off forever- like rearranging the knife drawer (I already did that), and cooking that 20 pound turkey I bought last Saturday (it is in the oven). I also plan to re-organize our bathroom shelves to make room for some baby towels, toys, and soap; finish some last minute decorations in the baby's room; and hopefully rearrange my bedroom to house the bassinet more successfully. Then maybe she will say "Ok Mamma, I'm ready"

She is pushing down from time to time, and I get sharp pains in my cervix occasionally- I have read this means dilation is happening. I am also getting the a super mild contraction every hour or two (I can feel them if I pay attention).

Below you will see some pictures our friend Kara took of the belly. I am not in my original wedding ring OR my great-grandma's wedding ring either. I am in a plain silver band as it is the only thing that fits right now.

From Lauren's Pics