Pouty Mamma

I was not going to blog about my current mood, but I decided that it is important to document the good and the bad things about pregnancy.

This may just be a "bad hormone day," as I have been having quite a few of those lately, but I am emotionally exhausted. It seems that I cannot sleep through the night, and even when I do, I awake feeling groggy, grumpy, and exhausted. I don't move very fast in the mornings and I am unable to get out of my funk until lunchtime. I have an ok couple of hours, and then at 2pm, my day goes back to crap. I spend half of my afternoons at work attempting to be productive, I have no idea what happens to the rest of my afternoons... I feel like a zombie.

It has been suggested (by multiple people) that I take a mental health day or perhaps leave early. Both are very good ideas, and I am working on a strategy to make that work. This is where sharing a car with your hunny becomes a bit of an issue. I have almost no vacation/sick time here at work (we get Paid Time Off and I used pretty much all that I had in order to go on vacation) and what little I do have, I want to save for maternity leave. So I may talk with my boss and see if I can come in for a couple of hours on Sunday to make up for being gone.

I have a great fear of appearing incapable... I feel like I am failing at motherhood and I have barely even started. I assumed I would sail through pregnancy, I really did. I thought "well those things happen to other people, but they will not happen to me- I want to be pregnant, it is going to be a piece of cake." Ahhh my sweet delusions...

I do not regret being pregnant, I love the way my belly is becoming rounder, I enjoy feeling Baby Woggles move around in there. Hell, I enjoy getting the extra rest, and eating the extra calories, and feeling the intense sweetness that Damon and I share right now... I just did not expect to feel so ill-equipped for this stage of motherhood. I thought pregnancy would be the easy part, but if I cannot get through this without dissolving into an emotional mudpuddle- how the hell am I going to handle a crying infant who wants to be fed every 2 hours?

Hopefully I will feel better after a little rest.