In the hospital, Mina was a breastfeeding pro. She attacked my nipples and latched on very quickly without much help from me. Of course, I had not gotten my "milk" in yet so the fact that I have flat nipples and a large areola were not big factors.
Then Mina started getting more hungry... MUCH more hungry. She would latch on for a couple of sucks, become frustrated and then whip her head back and kick her feet in a fit of fury. Then she would proceed to wail. This started happening my last night in the hospital, my nurses did not have much help to offer, simply stating that once my milk came in- everything would be fine.
My milk did not come in until yesterday late morning (Day 5 for those who are counting) and prior to that we had MANY VERY BAD feedings. When I called the midwives for advice I was told to lay in bed and reconnect with my baby. This idea MIGHT have worked if our issue was a lack of interest. However, I believe our issue is a lack of ability to latch on.
When I read about latching on with flat nipples, "they" state that the baby needs to take in more of the areola. Thats a great idea if your breasts are a size that is manageable for your baby. Considering ONE of my breasts weighs more than my kid- this option is difficult for me.
Damon and I ended up giving Mina bottles (a total of 3) over the last couple of days. I felt so much guilt about this I was sobbing uncontrollably before, during, and after each one. Every website that talks about breastfeeding says that you should not feed your baby with a bottle early on. It causes nipple confusion, and you baby will come to prefer the bottle as a more efficient way to nurse. But when you kid is screaming, wailing, and you are ready to run head first into the nearest brick wall- you have to do something.
Last night I ended up pumping and feeding Mina my breastmilk. It was a bittersweet moment. Yes, she was getting fed, but I was using the ever evil BOTTLE and I could see my ability to be a good mother melting before my eyes.
I called the midwives and I called a lactation consultant. Their answers were not as helpful as I had wanted, until today. I called the midwives again in desperation. I cannot get my nipples to protrude enough for Mina to get a good latch and she gets angry and gives up or she shuts down and goes to sleep. It is heartbreaking.
Sheila (my favorite midwife now) suggested I get a breast shield. She said most people will not recommend that, but if it will take the stress out of breastfeeding for me, than it is worthwhile. She suggested using it for a week and then weaning her off of it.
After I got off the phone, I wondered why So I googled it, and apparently a breast shield "can" decrease milk production (?), and can cause your child to prefer the silicone to the breast...
I plan to counteract these by continuing to use the hand pump, doing exercises to help my nipple stretch naturally, and giving the baby my breast to "enjoy" during feedings. Hopefully the combination of these things will help us not become dependent or lose functionality.
I have used the shield in two feeding so far with great success. She is taking longer to feed but I am unsure as to whether that has to do with her wanting more to eat now, my breasts releasing less milk, or maybe a growth spurt... We will see and I will keep trying. I can't tell you how good it feels that she is finally able to feed without either of us breaking down.
I do have my nightime anxiety creeping up... Nightime has been the worst for us- here is hoping tonight is better.
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