Hormones Still

Being a mother the second time is very different from the first~

I think the biggest challenge however has been balancing myself and finding time for both children. I am really struggling- I feel a lot of guilt about introducing this other person to Mina (even though she seems to be doing pretty great) and I feel guilt about not falling all over myself around Jovie (like I did with Mina).

I also find myself fast-forwarding in my brain to the future... Wondering how things are going to work. I sometimes feel trapped- like I have made a mistake somehow- like I can't handle this. I am trying to remember if I felt this way with Mina, I don't remember that I did. But I think it is part of the permanence of "finishing" my family.

This year is going to be a big one. I am turning 30. I have my 2 girls. I will be moving into a new home (the one I will probably stay in until my girls are in college!). It is my 5 year anniversary- THIS IS HUGE. And I start dogpiling all of these thoughts on myself and getting nervous about handling it all instead of just being in the moment.

I guess that is the crux of it. I am struggling with being in the moment and being content there. Not a new struggle. Just a new way to experience it.

In good news, I think I napped yesterday! Whee. And I am getting sleep at night. I am still taking benadryl to help me fall asleep but as Damon says "as long as you are sleeping."

Just gotta keep moving on. Now if I can get my blood sugars figured out- we will be in great shape.