I told my doctor about my "crazy" and my frustrations about feeling out of control~
He called it a wiring issue and said that he treats it the same as he would a physical issue like my diabetes. He said "You could not eat any less than fasting- because you are not eating... It is the same with anxiety- there is only so much you can do if there is an issue with your wiring."
This is akin to what my mother and husband have been saying since day 1. But hearing it from a medical professional drove the point home. He said that the first step in any recovery (be it alcoholism or anxiety) is acceptance. And then to stop berating yourself for a lack of control.
That hit me right on the head. PING.
How many minutes/hours/days/months/years have I been berating myself for things that are part of me? Things I have little control over- the shape of my face, the largeness of my hands, the size of my pores, gestational diabetes, chronic depression, and now this anxiety.
He said beating your head into a wall does nothing but give you a big bruise-
This is exactly what I needed to hear. I have heard it enough from people around me (but have felt that they have had to pity me because they love me). Hearing it from someone who really has no reason to coddle me made it more real.
I am going to see the psychologist Thursday and if she feels I would benefit from some medication, he will take care of it.
So- thats the story for today- have not had any panic attacks today!
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