The Fifth Month

Quoted directly from Dr. Sear's Website

SHOWING MORE

Much of your look while carrying a baby reflects the body type you inherited from your mother and father. Tall, slim women tend to show later and higher; short and wide women tend to show earlier and lower. Long-waisted women (versus short-waisted women) have more room for the uterus to grow up before it has to grow out, so they tend to show later.

Obviously, I am in the "short and wide women" segment. REALLY great for my esteem. I have been dealing with feelings of pregnancy "fatness" since the beginning. Growing a baby is a joyful thing, in fact I most often enjoy my belly... But today I am wearing an outfit that REALLY hugs my belly from top to bottom. Geez, it is out there.

So I go online and I google "21 Weeks Pregnant" and look at the images that present themselves there. There are women who barely look pregnant at all, and contrarily there are women with bellies bigger than mine, however, most fall in the "smaller than my wide-load" category.

As long as I do not compare myself to others and look at myself as nothing more but "pregnant," I think I am cute/glowing/beautiful... But when I get to comparing myself to others- I get moody, frustrated, and hateful toward myself. I think this is a lesson I really need to learn... I HAVE to stop comparing myself to everyone else.

I torture myself because my house is not good enough, my clothes are not hip enough, my hair is not "cute" enough, and my body is not small enough. Why do I do this? Often it is not good enough to be a "cute" pregnant person, I have to be the "cutest" pregnant person... My house is not good enough if it is a good house, NO, it must be the "greatest" house. WHY is it so important to me to measure up (and exceed) others?

It sounds like this is a part of myself I need to explore and heal...

Adding to my hormonal woes of the day is this back pain. At work, I have been balancing on a stool with most of the pressure resting between my thighs and my tailbone. It is causing a bizarre feeling in my hips when I walk- A bit like my hips have been pulled from the sockets and shoved back in. Very sore and I am pretty sure I am waddling.

I am pleased the weekend is finally here. One of my dearest friends is visiting. I do hope she can forgive the current state of my house. True friends always will...