I have hit the wall

I know, I am late getting Mina's letter up- I hope to have it done by Tuesday.

Today, something happened that I never EVER thought could happen. I am sick of cheese. Specifically cheese and crackers... This has been my safe, go-to food for breakfast, snacks, and even lunches on the go.

In the last 2 days things must have changed in my body, drastically. I am hungry all the time, but I can't seem to fit enough in my stomach to allow me to "last" the 2 hours between meals and snacks. Diabetics need to eat fairly often, but if you eat too often, it can overload your system. So I am set on a "schedule" that has me eating certain amounts of carbs at certain times in the day- and apparently my subconscious is playing playing tricks with my stomach and causing me to be hungry merely 60 minutes after I eat a meal.

I know complaining does no good- but perhaps venting does. And perhaps I can come back and read this in a couple of months and realize it is not THAT BAD.

I have a doc appointment on Wednesday and I am looking forward to it. It is very frustrating that when I am at my MOST pregnant, my body decides to go almost full-tilt toward diabetes. EVEN WHEN I NAP MY BLOOD SUGARS GO UP. I was tested after Mina and at the very beginning of this pregnancy for diabetes. I don't have it. I assume I must have some version of insulin resistance that will need to be dealt with, but that didn't show up in my tests either. Maybe they will now. I don't understand how I can go SO FAR the other way, just when pregnancy starts waddling toward the discomfort of the 3rd trimester.

This time, I am counting down the days until I am not pregnant again. Counting down the days until I can have a banana or a piece of toast and not be fearful. This makes me very sad- I am trying to enjoy this time. This is the last time I get to do this. I love the belly kicks, the big boobs, hard round tummy- It really is a pleasure outside of the frustrations of trying to get nourishment into my body.

Damon said "if it were me, I would be taking this opportunity to eat as much meat as possible." Well- he is a meat eater and would eat meat 12 times a day. I like meat, except for pork and chicken, and I am tired eggs... So that leaves beef and fish. I don't even want to cook. I don't want to have to eat.

My brain is playing long I think- since there are things I CANNOT have in this state, it is causing me to crave things that I cannot possibly get my hands on. Such as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Pies (a sweet, messy delicacy from my childhood that Hostess refuses to bring back into commission), and the fried bananas I had once when I was in mexico.

I tell my brain to please eat lots of sugar while I sleep... Everything seems so real in dreams- I can eat handfuls of Skittles and MnMs-