The Mini-Epiphany

Kindergarten approaches. If I think about it too much, I cry. No- I sob uncontrollably. My mom used to call me a pew-shaker, sobbing and hiccuping so hard that churchgoers seated nearby had to hold on to their seats. Watching Mina move and bloom into a school aged child- Bittersweet to say the least. She revels in the idea of school, and we are SO fortunate that she was accepted into a school where we think she will excel. Of course I have fears- the same fears I had about both of the girls starting preschool. Mainly, how will the influence of their peers change them. Will their spirits be squelched? Are they going to be the butt of jokes, or the victims of bullying? What if their hearts get broken... How do I deal with that as a parent? Then I think about the possibilities, and the levels of knowledge and beauty they are going to soar right in to. How amazing it will be to see them making lasting friendships- And perhaps for me to make some too. Today, while I was trying to ignore the black hole trying to suck me into sadness, I had a thought... About how lucky I am, and how lucky my children are. Damon and I have a major opportunity. We have the opportunity to fill our children's lives with beautiful memories. Colorful, rich memories immortalized in thousands of pictures- While I do hand my children off to the institution of education for 9 months out of the year, I get the distinct pleasure of filling their summers with experiences outside of the classroom. Months full of dancing, swimming, parks, movies. Library visits, day camps, and extra snuggles. I get to do this for them. I get to be THAT mom. THAT mom that I want to be. And as a final bit of sweetness to this bittersweet change- I also get to explore ME. I get to find out who I am now, other than mom. I love being a mother, but like nearly every mother on the face of the planet- your role overtakes you. I have changed so much, even before having children- I knew who I wanted to be when I was 18. Those dreams have changed, some vaporized, some fulfilled, some in flux... But now I have the chance to explore those feelings, explore myself and find my spark again. Lucky.