Around the corner

Today at Target I was perusing the art supplies isle, and I saw that crayons were on sale. As I reached for a box, I realized that in a very short time I would be packing a bag of supplies for Mina to go to Kindergarten. I nearly crumbled on the floor. Thursdays the girls go to preschool. It is an investment Damon and I find to be very important. The girls are gone from about 8:30 until 4:30 most weeks. And every week around 4pm I start to get an ache in my heart for them to be back. As maddening as it can be to have them rampage the house and dishevel the entirety of our house- My heart, in a very cliche, but very real way- aches. How am I going to deal with Mina being gone for 7 or 8 hours a day? And how am I going to go through with putting Jovie in preschool for 2 days instead of 1? What the hell was I thinking when I set that up? Apparently this is a day to be extra tenderhearted. I find myself holding my breath and sucking air into my lungs sporadically as I realize I have forgotten to breathe. Life moves, they grow- I have tens of thousands of pictures (not kidding) of them to show the passage of time... I sincerely hope, that like Mina and Jovie turning 5 and 3, I will get my tears out now and when that day comes that my universe gets rocked a little, I will be ready and I will let things change without so much pain and denial. This part of motherhood, I never expected.