Big secret??? Damon and I have been trying to get pregnant for a couple of months now. We got pregnant right away when we started trying in May, but it turned out to be a chemical pregnancy.
It hit me pretty hard- a chemical pregnancy is a very early pregnancy that often presents as if it were just a late period. I had been so excited about being pregnant, and had confidence since my first pregnancy went off without a hitch. When this one did not "stick" I was shocked by my sadness. I was not sad because I had lost a pregnancy- I feel that my body knows best... But emotionally, I was planning and I felt like I was going to be a mother of two.
I called what I was experiencing an "emotional miscarriage." There was really no way to know for sure, but the emotional symptoms were hard to mistake. I tried to take it easy and I learned my lesson about testing early and counting on those results.
Last month I think I may have had another chemical pregnancy as my period was over a week late (and I am not a late person, if anything I used to have my period early... for fun...). I was actually dreading getting a positive pregnancy test result because I was not feeling pregnant- and I did not want the hope that a + could give me. I got 2 negative tests and when my period showed a week later, I was glad for it.
Interestingly enough, our original plan was to start trying in August- we had also planned to go to Disney at this time. But our vacation got moved around and we started earlier. I always FELT like I would get pregnant in August- perhaps because I am drawn to the idea of having another like Mina.
I paid a lot of attention to my body this month, and started drinking my favorite herbs for fertility. My period is supposed to start tomorrow, but I don't think it will. Over the last week and a half, I have started experiencing more tiredness, more hunger, more potty trips at night, my fingernails have started growing again (this is a BIG SIGN for me), as well as changes in my breasts.
I have yet to take a pregnancy test, I am hoping to wait until Wednesday at least to give my body the chance to produce enough hormones so they will actually show up... I may not be able to wait that long. We will see. With Mina, I was a full 3 days late before anything showed up. The longer I wait, the more chance I give my body to tell me what is going on-
Damon is positive I am pregnant. He says I am "acting" pregnant. My moods have been swingier, but not the anger/sad swings he is used to around "that time of the month". I used the bathroom 4 times in one night and I said "I need to stop drinking a lot of water before bed." He said "You are pregnant and you are going to have to figure out a way to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night without complaining- because we cannot have a bathroom up here." (for those who may not know, my bedroom is upstairs, bathroom downstairs)
I can't help but be excited- I do feel pregnant- When my fingernails grow past 1/4 of an inch without breaking... Hello baby. At least that has been my experience in the past. ***** BIG TMI ALERT***** The breast changes are telling too. I had not noticed that the areolas had lightened until I noticed Saturday night that they had darkened again. I showed them to Damon out of curiosity and he just kept saying "Lauren, you are pregnant." **** TMI ALERT OVER ****
Overall, I am just excited. I want to tell someone... NO- I want to tell EVERYONE. I want this to be true. I just keep talking to my belly, hoping there is a little person in there, and telling that little person that she is wanted and to hang on for the ride.
Now off to pee for the 47th time today.
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