Well, I have the most wonderful, amazing newborn on the entire planet- and her equally amazing and wonderful sister.
I also am not sleeping well. In fact, I am not sleeping at all. I go to bed tired, irritable, etc- Can't fall asleep.
I realize so much of this is hormonal. Perhaps I dealt with this when Mina was small, but I was so focused on breastfeeding it took my eyes off of the cause for my hysteria... Ie- lack of sleep.
I am feeling the effects of sleep deprivation- mood swings, irritability, difficulty functioning in many areas of my life.
Right now the only things I seem to be good at are nursing my little one and working my brain up into a froth over my general inability to sleep.
While in the hospital, I had some version of this. In fact it was much worse, when I closed my eyes, I would see terrible images. I would flip into this weird rem sleep as soon as I shut my lids. But I could not stay asleep- could not stay there.
They ended up prescribing me some ativan which quickly took the edge off and I took some ambien that night to help me sleep. I figured what I was feeling was a sharp detest of being in the hospital. I wanted to go home.
So I got discharged early, and thought all was fine. And all was tolerable (as to be expected with so many changes going on at once) until I did not sleep at all last night. Now when I lay down to go to sleep I can't shut down. I can't make myself sleep. My brain seems to be stuck permanently in the "On" position.
It is really affecting my quality of life. I called my doc to find out what I should do- he said to start taking 300 mg of B6, and do everything I know to do to relax myself. This I have done, including downing MANY cups of chamomile tea, resting my eyes, etc.
One of the hardest things at this point is that sleep is my "Reboot." It always has been. If I feel out of sorts, I take a nap- and REBOOT. More often than not, I feel better. Well, right now I cannot seem to get myself to that point.
As I sit here typing this, I am on a second dose of the doctor's recommended 50 mg benadryl. In fact, in my sleep-deprived stupor, I managed to take 1 pill too many (misread the label on the back of the tylenol pm bottle). Don't worry- I called poison control. It is not a toxic overdose, the only side effect in this case is that I will not be feeding Jovie until I have passed the 4 hour mark. I have a small bottle of formula set up for that case. I will pump if she wakes between now and 2:15/2:45 for a feeding. I don't think she will- I could be wrong.
I am also drinking sleepytime tea and fighting off diarrhea in addition to not feeling like I am digesting my food correctly. My blood sugars are suffering as well, I am sure.
So where did I go wrong? Assuming this is hormones, and if that is the case at some point, my body is just going to have to SHUT DOWN in order to repair itself, I am going to stay up tonight until I can't stay up any longer. Perhaps I have been going to bed too early- I am worried about Jovie waking as soon as I try to go to sleep. Maybe if I just make it impossible for me to do anything BUT sleep, I can get my system jump started again.
The physical irritation is a very real thing. My body feels tight like a drum (except for my sagging stomach). I just got the bright idea to go watch some tv until I pass out- I just hope my body can handle sitting still for that long.
Keep your fingers crossed for me. If I don't sleep tonight, I very much worry about tomorrow.
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