OH Holy Shit...

Had my mini-marathon of appointments for the week. NST BST Monday, Dr. Schwartz today.

NST BST was uneventful- except that I was contracting on my own so my nipples got a rest, and the kid kept rolling away from the monitor. Though I am sure my nurse was losing patience, I quite enjoyed the amplified sound of her movements... It sounded like a thunderstorm.

Anyhoo, everything seemed to go well enough that we were discharged and set up for another appointment next week- same bat time, same bat channel.

Dr. Schwartz was running fairly "on time" today and I was in the room no less than 30 minutes after arriving for my appointment. I did have to sit and wait for quite a while. This was especially comical considering I was not wearing any pants and the backs of my legs were sweating a bit (and sticking to that paper they roll out for you to sit on). I probably waited about 15 minutes in the little room for the doc to show- but it seems like a lot more when your only entertainment is the crackling sound the butcher/tissue paper makes when you try to move your ass.

When he came in, I noted my "muppet feet" which is quite normal, and he laughed... He did say they were not to "cankle" stage yet. That's soothing. *at this point he got a page, did not say anything, but his face did get "serious"

He asked about my sugars and did the usual measuring. Sugars are fine now that I am on 13 units of Lantus, but that wild fluctuation about a week ago really threw me. He laughed to himself and said "now you know why it is hard to know how to manage you." I did not get the official belly measurement from him (I SHOULD HAVE), but when I measured at home I was between 40 and 41 cm... Slightly bigger than the weeks before-

He did the beta strep test (the reason I had no pants on- and did I mention the VERY SMALL sheet they gave me to cover up with?), and stood back to review my chart. He cleared his throat and said "well, it looks like we are going 'down that road.' I would like to schedule you for an amnio."

I nodded my head, I figured that was coming...

He continued, "So, lets do the amnio next Tuesday and induce next Wednesday."

I smiled, nodded and said ok. He told me to schedule an appointment next week just in case, and sent me on my merry way.

Once again- this would have been a case where I could have used a quick wit! As I was walking out to my car, the totality of my feelings started to come down on me.

I KNEW induction was a probability. I knew it from early on- but having an end date... A date where I say to my baby "ready or not, you have to come out" feels really weird. I grieved a little. I cried. Induction is so far from where I started 36 weeks ago.

I can hear my grandma saying that my daughter knew what she was getting into when she picked Damon and I as parents. I want to believe that is true...

Tonight while I was talking to my mom I mentioned my fear about her having a traumatic birth. She said "everyone has a traumatic birth, it is a right of passage."

I also mentioned my fear of never getting to be "alone" with Damon ever again... I wonder how Damon and I will change and how our relationship will change when the kid is here... I cried about that a little too.

My mom laughed at me a little- Perhaps I was being (or feeling) a little over-dramatic about it. I guess we will still get vacations and weekends away. That's what grandparents are for.

So, I am processing all of this stuff. I feel much more settled. How interesting that we could meet our kid in just over a week. Wow.

Tomorrow I get to tell my boss that Friday is my last day until I return from maternity leave (pending the baby's lungs are ready at the amnio on Tuesday). Won't that be fun? I wonder how he will handle it...

I plan to rest as much as I can over the next couple of days, take some last minute belly pics, and talk with the baby about what is going to happen. Who knows, maybe I will go in for the induction Wednesday and I will already be in labor? It could happen. But even if not, we are going to do great.